NKPR’s token male takes on office favourite, Kim & Kourtney Take New York, tackling issues such as Kim’s short-lived marriage, Kourtney’s ridiculous antics (oil-based enemas anyone?) and why the Humph isn’t such a bad guy after all.
This year I got caught up in the whole Keeping up with the Kardashians craze. It always seems to be a hot topic of conversation in the office, after a weekend spent unwinding, going out and evidently, keeping up with the Kardashians.
Like most guys who dare to admit that they’ve tuned in to the past season of Kourtney and Kim take New York, I initially got caught up in the excitement of Kim Kardashian’s serendipitous phony romance with New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries. True, K2 had only known each other for a few months, but come on- his name starts with a K, the same as ALL the Kardashian sisters! With that kind of foundation, surely this love would be 4-eva! I’m sure that’s what Kim’s brand managers were thinking when they approached her with a 72-day wedding-for-profit scheme dating opportunity. Okay I’ll admit it, I’m just speculating.
But I digress, because a polarizing family like the Kardashians will and has drawn in much more intense criticism than I am willing to get into here. So instead, here are my highlights of Kourtney and Kim take New York season 2:
- Kim and Kris, and Kourtney, Scott, and their son Mason move in together.
- Kourtney gets an oil enema and then proceeds to leak on Kim’s bed.
- Kris shaves Scott’s armpits. (yea, so what?)
- Scott gets drunk. (Apparently a no-no in the Kardashian household)
- Scott moves out.
- Kourtney hires an in-house naked male yoga instructor for the girls. (Not weird at all!)
- Kris moves to Minnesota.
- KHLOE IN DA HOUSE.
- Kourtney, Khloe, and Mason go to the Hamptons.
- Kim calls Khloe a “dumb evil little effing troll” via text.
- Kim visits Kris in Minnesota. (In K&KGTNY, Minnesota is a place where dreams go to die)
- Kim convinces Kris to come back to New York.
- Kourtney throws out Scott’s mom’s “ugly” stuff.
- Kardashian matriarch “the other Kris” arrives.
- Scott watches porn
- Kim and Kris eat lunch on an outdoor patio.
- Kris says he could throw Kim over the edge.
- Kim asks Kris if he’s ready to have a baby, Kris smirks… (Actually, he always smirks)
- Kim and Kris fight.
I’m going to stop right there because the rest of the season pretty much revolves around making Kris Humphries look like a complete asshole. A very sleazy shrewd move made by the Kardashian Empire. To me, “The Humph” really isn’t such a bad guy. He’s just the only dude in the history of Keeping up with the Kardashians who has managed to maintain some level of dignity in the face of such blatant female bullying and male groveling (ahem… Scott Disick… Bruce Jenner). So pretty much, he just got himself mixed up in an extremely sticky (and gold-plated) spider web that has made him the center of attention on the court in the tabloids.
With that said, after watching an entire season of “Kourtney and Kim take New York”, Kim will undoubtedly become a permanent figure on my “least favourite people” list. Because I, like, find it amazing that, like, a woman as, like, successful as her is not, like, capable of putting together, like, a proper sentence. But hey, apparently that doesn’t matter these days.
In all fairness, this is just a TV show, and Ryan Seacrest can portray his “characters” in any way he chooses. The only accomplishment here is that millions of teeny-bopping girls who aspire to be just as, like, glamorous as Kim Kardashian will go on bashing Kris Humphries. And that’s okay with me as long as he helps win me my fantasy basketball championship. He should just be thankful he got out before the Kreepy Kardashian Kristmas Kard photo was taken.
We must admit, he does bring up a few good points… But the real question is, can we convince him to tune in for the next season of Khloe & Lamar?
Are you a fan of the Kardashians? Tell us in the comments or tweet us @natashankpr!